How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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