Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
