Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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