Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
