OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Randomize
