Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
