Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
