Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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