I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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