my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
