You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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