You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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