turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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