the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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