im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
