My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
