32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Randomize
