bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
My bed smells like the plague
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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