he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
