You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
