So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
