I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
