Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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