Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
