my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
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