You work out of a Hotel?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
