Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
