The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
