I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
