I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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