If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
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I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
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I deserve to be covered in dicks
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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