theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
either way he was missing a nipple.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
