I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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