is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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