Have you finally orgasmed yet?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
