My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
It's shark week go big or go home
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
