Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
