Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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