Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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