Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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