his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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