Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
