So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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