Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
