Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
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