the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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