Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
she woke up with a sticky ear
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
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