Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
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