Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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