Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
are you so shy because you have an std?
so let's talk penis.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
