if i can run in heels then i can drive
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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