i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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