Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
you traded sex for a burrito?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
