i permit you to call me
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
