just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Randomize
