So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
