I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Randomize
