the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
