I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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