big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
