oh god the rape fog is back!
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
