Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
