Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
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Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
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