just come out here and I will go home with you...
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
