Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
