I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
