chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
