I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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