I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
