Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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