I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
