Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
