Jerry, you need to find god
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
