they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
