Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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