drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
