yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
